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In an article written in the Castro District Rectal Examiner, rumors are swirling more than the wind at 3Com park. Bob Hayes, editor, is on the other side of the fence stating that "...not everything in the 49er locker room is poles and holes, if you know what I'm sayin'".

Hmm..

A 32-team poll was taken on Monday with team specific letterhead. The poll was to determine which team was thought to be the gayest. Out of 32 teams, the 49ers were the only team who didn't circle the "San Francisco 49ers" slot. They did, however, color in the circle for the "Miami Dolphins". Next to the dark circle was a hand-written comment: Well, they've always seemed so happy to us!

The survey comes after a weekend in which 17 players on the 49ers came down with a severe stomach virus during the gameagainst the Washington Redskins. It was brought upon when remembering female rapper Lil' Kim's need for a stomach pump some years ago, only to find out that she had engaged in certain 'mouth watering' sexual acts.

New addition to the team, linebacker Jamie Winborn was outraged by the allegations. "Man, this is rediculous. We're the only team in the NFL to have some sussess (exactly how he said it). Our strenth is back to normal and we're givin' a hundred and ten percent. But let a couple of guys experiment and all that other stuff is forgotten about".

Jeff Garcia patted him on the butt and took over, "I think what Jamie...I call him flower pot, but what Jamie is trying to say here, is that we're all human beings. And love is love. I just love my flower pot". When he left the interview, he hopscotched off the field and into the locker room.

Former 49er wide receiver, Jerry Rice wasn't surprised, "Man, that's why I left. Once [Steve] Young left and Garcia came in, they started that stuff. They tried to include me, but the most I would do was that 'hand-holding' incident on the sidelines that one game. Man, I don't even wanna get into that. I'm just glad I left, let's just put it that way".

Certainly it doesn't matter what one team's sexual preference is, however, I'm sure it'd be a load off the team's shoulders (or stomach) to just get everything out in the open.

- JP