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Thursday, September
9, 2004 Washington, DC -- Documents released today by the Freedom of Information Act have revealed possible forgeries in the long paper trail documenting Bush's past whereabouts. The Associated Press had filed for numerous memos and official paperwork to be released under the FIA. The most shocking forgery that has been uncovered is Bush's birth certificate. The birth certificate was clearly a recent forgery and it is possible that George W. Bush never existed. This is supported by several memos that were written by Bush's commanding officers during Vietnam. One of which read: "Still no sign of that Bush kid. He was supposed to report for a physical yesterday, but didn't show up. Left to go to the pisser, when I came back there was a note from him with an apology. Never saw him..." Another memo was from the Director of Player Personnel on the Texas Rangers, a team that Bush owned from 1988 to 1998: "The team is doing terrible. I keep missing the new owner. I have seen clips of him on television, but haven't met him face to face yet. Got two voicemails yesterday scheduling meetings, but they were cancelled five minutes before. I have found pretzel crumbs in his office..." Perhaps the most puzzling memo came from his Bush's first grade teacher. "Little George was sick again today. I am worried about him falling behind. It is unlikely that a child can miss this much school with Cerebral Polio and ever hope to learn how to read properly..."
-Clark Brandon
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